I Am Enough - Vanessa
Dedicating ourselves to service rather than our own comfort can be scary. We risk honestly getting to know others who are different, and come face to face, day after day, with pain, abuse, hatred, violence.
Two fears that I have that may prevent me from being a person of service is being having too many emotions. I can’t help but feel like the kids I work with need love and attention and eye contact. Everyone gives and receives love differently and sometimes I can’t help but be too personal. They share a lot and it’s very sad because they’re so young and they’ve been exposed to so much. I want to be there for them but I’d also not like to give them false hope about my presence. Some have abandonment issues and latch onto those who show affection or acceptance. That's when the lines between work and personal life get blurred. How can I remain objective and unphased when I understand where they come from and what their environment is when they go home. They need love and compassion not only rules and strict adults. I’m part babysitter and mentor, but some simply see me as a disciplinarian or “just another staff”.
I’m NOT perfect soil, I am good soil.
I can’t be perfect, and I am enough.
I’m determined to become healthy soil for my fellow peers, coworkers, and students . I’m not perfect soil but I am good soil. And as good soil I can nourish those in my small pot of an environment.
It’s about the small changes, but that doesn’t imply small impact. At my worksite, I’m not given too much authority, but that in itself can be powerful. My students may see me more as an equal than they do with teachers; they see me as relatable. I used to think that not having more authority was working against me and that the students wouldn’t take me seriously but I’ve learned to change my perspective from half empty to half full. Being in this program and being surrounded by awesome corps members has truly allowed me to transform as an individual. I am learning to first see my advantages before I create negative paradigms about my “disadvantages”.
I’m looking forward to becoming rich in experiences from my work life and in my personal growth along with my new EUIP family. I will continue to push myself and encourage those around me to step outside their comfort zone toward growth and realizations.
~Vanessa
