showing up & Diving in - Naomi
One of the biggest things that drew me to Jubilee Year initially was a sense of cohesion. I remember getting on the phone with Payton, our program director, in the beginning and hearing about these mysterious people who saw the world in the same way I did, who had hearts for service and wanted to make a difference. It thrilled me to no end. Getting to do the work I’d been waiting to do with people who held my same passions? Sign me up!
As the year truly started, however, the reality of what I had signed up for began to hit me. Living with six strangers and having to make it work in the midst of a new job, a new city, and a new season of life for all of us. There’s a lot of hurdles there to take in.
I remember sitting across the table from my housemates, who I now consider friends, and looking around at their faces, scared to make eye contact for too long for fear of being awkward. It was going to be a long few months until the holidays.
In truth, I think it has been that stark newness that has shaped me the most in these past few months, not only in my relationships with my housemates, but at my service site, and in my faith.
With my housemates, our varied backgrounds served as a sort of blank canvas. We had to throw things out there, see where our palettes clashed and complemented each other. I think it was, and continues to be, an exercise in honesty. As such, finding those places of connection felt incredibly gratifying as we worked to build our connections. Months have passed, and I’ve found we are well into the makings of a unique landscape. It is one that I could not have dreamt up all on my own. But it is ours, and for that I love it more dearly.
In my service site, I have learned so much. I had had my eye on working in immigration services for a while now, but getting to be in the atmosphere of a working office has altered my view of the field immensely. I have been able to aid in the citizenship process for members of the community, and learn from supervisors who at one time in their life utilized the services we offer at our organization. These are moments that I cherish deeply. I have also wrestled with the complexity of the immigration system, made mistakes, and continue to learn and relearn best practices for being involved in this work. I don’t think I have ever felt humility and excitement so present at the same time.
My faith has been truly moved by this experience. I have participated in a wider range of practices here than I ever have before, and I think I am better for it. Not only has it been interesting to try new things, and reimagine what it means to be a person of faith for me, but it has also been investigative. I’ve been far more inclined to question things I took for granted in the past and analyze them. In turn, I’ve felt a vibrancy of spirituality that is unlike seasons I have experienced in the past.
I mentioned to Payton a few months ago that the program felt a little bit like jumping into the ocean. (I also think that phrasing made him nervous…sorry Payton!) Anyhow, I would still liken these past few months to that experience. It’s new, and can come with a moment of shock at first. But the rush of jumping in and getting to swim is worth it every time. (Can you tell I like the ocean?)
In all seriousness though, I think I was toeing the shoreline before the program, on multiple fronts. Jubilee Year has helped me take a leap of faith, to step into something I cared about but did not know how to approach. And as I began to “swim” on my own, there have always been layers of support from the community to help me out when I needed it.
With the holidays right around the corner, I chuckle thinking about my initial trepidation about reaching this time of year. Not because I am now 100% assured of the remainder of the program, but because I still maintain some uncertainty, even after my whole jumping in the ocean spiel. Where will I be by the end? Will I make the impact I want to?
I’m learning that the daily practice of showing up is more valuable than pining after immediate answers to these questions. As I choose to jump into the unknown of what each day holds in the office, in the community, in my spiritual walk, I build those answers, slowly and richly. And for that challenge, I am grateful.
| Naomi